Bittersweet week.

It has been a strange, strange week. Our dog, Noah, was killed by a car on Monday afternoon. It must have happened minutes after the girls and I left for ballet. It was a horrible end to his 4-year life. Jerry and I have really had a difficult time with it. The girls, however, are very happy with the outcome. He was not a great fit for our family, but like a crazy old uncle, he was still family. He dug up everything I planted, but he made me feel safe at night. He dragged deer parts into the front yard, but he kept watch when the girls played outside. He terrified deliverymen, but when we drove up the driveway he leaped around for joy. That first night I woke up several times and realized that no one was barking. It is still strange to walk up or down the front steps and not get knocked down them.

Our other dog, Ursa, has been shaved and moved into the house. The girls are thrilled! She has a new pink collar and bandana. She is a perfect inside dog. She remembers the days before there were little girls in the house! She lies on her bed, sits at our feet and politely sits by the door when she wants to go out. She has always had a mate, Orion before Noah. And she still looks for one or the other when she goes out. Because she was always part of a package deal before, she was never as clean and could never come in - when she did come in she whimpered to go back out to her mates, who were both completely unsuitable to life on the inside.

I have been gardening with a vengeance! For the first time in years, I will be able to plant what I like without a dog digging it up. The caveat - no dog to chase away rabbits, deer and squirrels. I find it so strange that there are no dogs or cats trying to get in my face when I bend down over the gardens. I cannot decide if it is an improvement or just plain lonely. Yesterday, I was working near some hellebores. There was one flower still smashed on the ground. Noah did that a day or two before he died. I was kneeling down to get a closer look and he bounded over, Tiggger-like, and smashed the bloom. I was so annoyed. And now it makes me cry - for the dog not the flower.

Bittersweet. So many things will be better now, but those big brown eyes won't smile at me as he looks up from some disaster he caused.

Noah, Rest in Peace.